Maren Bosma and Dana Zemtsov talk self-doubt and building resilience

Self-doubt, self-critique and perfectionism are things that almost every young professional musician will have experienced at some point in their life. When young musicians graduate from conservatoire, they embark on a journey on which they must navigate the pressure and expectations of a classical music career in today’s fast-paced society. Mental health and wellbeing among young professionals in the classical music world is one of the most universal and essential issues in the modern industry, and one that Dana Zemtsov – one of the most promising viola soloists of her generation – has thought about extensively.

‘I think our pace of living is actually way too fast for us – not just for musicians, but for everyone. When I look at my dog, who sleeps for eighteen hours a day, I sometimes think: "We’re not that different at all!" Well, she doesn’t feel guilty, that is a great power of hers. I think we’re losing ourselves a little bit. Being able to travel to any continent in a matter of hours, for example, is not natural for humans at all. But it has been normalised, like a lot of things that are actually quite surreal. There are so many expectations: most musicians have to be able to play their instruments in all different styles, organise their own concerts, be their own managers. There is a pressure to be proficient in everything, immediately. In a way, it’s great that we have the possibility to really do our own thing if we set our mind to it, but the fact that everything is so fast-paced isn’t good for the music. We need to be able to stop and think sometimes, to let things flourish at their own pace.’

Maren Bosma: 'Fostering resilience in the face of self-doubt and pressure is one of the most valuable things a musician can do for their mental wellbeing' © Ork de Rooij

Setting her own pace is something Zemtsov finds extremely important: ‘Coming from a family of mainly violists who are all very talented, of course I did feel that there was a high standard to maintain from the beginning. However, throughout my career, I’ve always made a point of not doing things that didn’t feel right for me. High-pressure, competitive situations can be a drive for some musicians and completely suffocate others. It’s important to know yourself and to find out what drives you and what blocks your growth. I had a period where I found myself questioning myself and my career, and I experienced a lot of self-doubt. I would get extremely nervous to go onstage and felt totally blocked. That’s when I started exploring: I started playing lighter music that I could really express myself in, I took up other hobbies, like tango dancing and painting… We musicians have such high standards; it’s good for us to be an amateur at something else, to be bad at something sometimes, to get out of our little world. I learnt a lot about myself and how important it is to develop at your own pace, in your own way. In the music world that doesn’t always feel possible – especially not in conservatoires – but it is!’

In a way, Zemtsov believes, this is where self-doubt comes in: ‘It all starts when we’re young, just learning the instrument, and what values the people surrounding us imprint on us. Is it about being the best and playing everything perfectly, or is it about doing something that we enjoy and that connects us with others? We do things the way we’ve been told. I think feeling self-doubt is an indicator that you’re not doing something in the way that is right for you, or at the right pace – even if it’s the right thing. Therefore it’s dangerous to take self-doubt too seriously, or too literally. Naturally we all do sometimes, it can’t be helped, but you could also see it as an opportunity to go out and search for what does work for you. Moments of self-doubt can be extremely valuable, because they force you to confront yourself. You have a choice: either stay in what doesn’t feel right, or think: ‘maybe I have a different way of doing things,’ and start searching.’

In that search, genuine love and interest for what you do is key, according to Zemtsov : ‘It’s important to accept that there’s no end to it. There’s always room for improvement somewhere, but not because what you do needs to get to a certain point at which ‘you’ll be good’, but because you’re in a process. And it’s a process that changes from day to day and isn’t in any way linear. As humans, we aren’t omnipotent; we can’t fully decide the course of our lives. Being in touch with one’s personal spirituality helps see that. Don’t be afraid to explore that, too: whatever the interpretation, there is something vital there without which music would only be noise.’

Like a musician's career as a whole, the artistic process of making and releasing a recording is far from linear, but it can still provide a good opportunity for self-reflection and building resilience. ‘As I am approaching the 10-year anniversary since the release of my debut album Enigma, my own feelings towards it have changed a lot. At first I went through a stage of pride, then self-criticism and self-doubt, and now I can listen to it thinking,"ah, so that’s how I played that passage back then, how interesting – that actually works!" I accept that it is just an audible screenshot of a moment in time, but one that exists forever. And still, each time when I enter the studio, I am a little bit uncomfortable and uncertain – until the joy of music making takes over.’ 

Through curiosity, individuality, fostering resilience in the face of self-doubt and pressure is one of the most valuable things a musician can do for their mental wellbeing. ‘As musicians, we don’t really talk about our insecurities. On top of that, we live in quite a materially-focused society where everyone shows off their successes – even though mental health issues are increasing universally. It always looks as though everything magically goes well for everyone else, because that’s what they show the world, and that can feel very disheartening, especially when you’re fresh out of conservatoire. But everyone goes through so many processes, even our biggest idols, and it’s a good thing to have an honest dialogue with and about our humanity. In the face of challenges, trust that it will be okay. Don’t give up – and by that I don’t mean stay in an uncomfortable situation and wait for it to pass, but go out and explore. Try new activities besides playing, travel to all corners of the world, laugh a lot, cry a lot…and then put all that into your music!’

Maren Bosma and Dana Zemtsov are set to perform  a programme of Berlioz, Farrenc and Poulenc ​together at Southbank's Queen Elizabeth Hall on 14 January 2024. You can find more information about this performance, including tickets, here.