Holden Madagame on testosterone, transitioning and the art of patience

The way that testosterone works is unique as far as hormones go. Many effects of testosterone are not reversible, the change in vocal range being one of them. I started taking testosterone in 2014, about a year after arriving in Germany. I had completed my Bachelor of Music at the University of Michigan and my intention had been to get my Master of Music, then pursue a career in opera but deciding to take testosterone changed this.

When I started to take testosterone, there were no role models I could look to to guide me on my journey. In the last decade there have been more trans people in opera who take hormones and a few studies on the subject, but there are still relatively few singers who take testosterone because of the unpredictable and irreversible effects on the voice. For this reason, I took a long time deciding whether taking testosterone was viable for me. 

The process of an adult AFAB (assigned female at birth) voice taking testosterone is relatively similar to an AMAB (assigned male at birth) person whose voice breaks when they are a teenager. The difference being that an adult AFAB person’s vocal cords are less flexible and more solidified in their development than an AMAB person’s cords. This is not surprising considering a younger body can regenerate in ways that older bodies cannot. Practically speaking, this means that an AFAB voice on testosterone undergoes a similar period of change, except the larynx is not growing in size as the vocal cords are thickening. For me, this caused a large amount of hoarseness and a significant decrease in my vocal stamina for about a year, but these effects decreased over time.

My way of dealing with these changes was – and continues to be – relatively simple: patience. Although I would sing occasionally, I knew from my own kinaesthetic awareness of my voice that there were diminishing returns. The neuroticism that could have built up because of this was not worth it to my mental health nor to my overall artistic and creative health so I decided instead to be patient and sing music I enjoyed to get through this exciting and terrifying period of my life. Artistic longevity cannot be maintained unless we as singers take care of our mental health as well as our enthusiasm for making art.

© Steve Gregson

Another crucial element which helped me remain patient during this transition was the unique thing that I have been able to give to the world: my existence as a trans opera singer on testosterone makes it possible for other trans singers looking into hormone therapy to see themselves existing and thriving in an industry that is well-known for being normative and unwelcoming. 

So how can we create a more welcoming environment for trans performers? Fortunately, the answer is simple. Unfortunately, it requires fundamental changes in how we teach, cast, produce and compose opera. As with any accessibility issue, creating a place for marginalised groups creates better conditions for everyone, with some fundamental aspects being fair wages, fair conditions and transparency. Without these, we create classist, sexist, racist, homophobic, and transphobic conditions without even meaning to.

A seemingly daunting, but easily broken-down idea to consider is less restrictive adherence to gender stereotypes. Adherence to these embodied genders in singers makes it difficult for those who divert slightly from the ‘gender assigned at Fach’ to succeed in the opera industry. This is not only true for trans people (who of course are most affected by this), but for cisgender people too. There are countless rules for every Fach, for example the well-known rule of the trade that a soprano cannot wear trousers to an audition – they should appear as feminine as possible – an atrocious anachronism that the industry continues to perpetuate. 

The reality of changing these expectations is quite easy for any person in a position of teaching, casting, directing, producing, etc. but we as singers do not have the power to do this without jeopardising our careers. Often singers who do not adhere to industry standards end up sticking to new or popular music because it is more accepting and open about gender.

My recent work with Regents Opera on their production of Rheingold and upcoming production of Siegfried stands as proof that anyone can make efforts to change industry standards. As an artist I am able to be my authentic self in rehearsals, I am paid fairly with clear rehearsal times and adequate breaks, the company is transparent about any given situation and the company has cast singers outside the ‘status quo’ or the ‘expected choice’. My work with Regents Opera has over time allowed me to grow as an artist and feel accepted in the work that I do and, as far as I’m aware, I will on 4 February, with the opening night of Regents Opera's Siegfried at London's Freemasons Hall become the first transgender person ever to sing Mime in a production of Siegfried. I am so proud of myself and of Regents Opera for this history-making first.